Short End of the Stick

now and now the winter GLOWS.

2009-04-18T21:26:00.012-05:00

hi. fancy seeing you all here. lets do a head count of the audience

...
suppose i walked right in to that one.
well apparently for my absence i should state
IM SORRY!
it saddens me to not have posted for so long!
V pic related V

okay, lets jump in to this bitch. January brought this on:

wowowowow. thank you dumb ass lady who couldn't change lanes because she was from a different city (actual excuse she gave me.)

after her insurance company had to send a private investigator to track her down...

-_______________________________-

they finally cut me a check and i got my car fixed about a month later. lalala.
lets
take
up
space.

okay so february passes, march i was laid off from GPI on a Friday and was hired by Ozark Inc. on a Monday. YAY constant cash flow:

V pic way too fucking related. V
bored + shaun = quit my job in April on a Monday.
woah. why would you do something like that???
okay back track:
one dreary Wednesday i went to work and literally stayed for 45 minutes and left. Now in this time i went out and briefly looked for another job, one of which called me randomly on the Friday before my first day of my last three days employed with the fucking OZARK INC. im the boss.
like a boss.
so now we're still in AH-prull and blah blah.
V And here i am blogging again. V
Hello all. Good to see you again... I've missed NO ONE FUCK YOU ALL, BYE.
-END BLOG-

light gun has new songs-->
<--medicated and sick has new songs

three.

2009-01-24T00:23:00.004-06:00

Niall Ferguson'sThe Ascent of Money
Paul Krugman'sThe Return of Depression Economics and the Crisis of 2008
and
Paul Krugman'sThe Great Unraveling: Losing Our Way in the New Century.

2009-01-02T02:05:00.002-06:00

I need to be crafty.

2008-12-02T14:20:00.000-06:00

Enough said?

2008-11-24T01:01:00.001-06:00

私は酷い下痢です。

2008-11-20T12:46:00.004-06:00

Last night at around 10:30 a middle aged couple walked into the restaurant I work at and ordered food--even though we were closed--and required me to dwell in my appetizer station for an extra hour. I figured they were just stopping by for some quick eats because they were drunk, but they ended up ordering three course meals. They were starting to piss me off because virtually everything they ordered came from my station, disallowing me to clean my area.

Had I paid attention to the fact that the executive chef was offering the couple superior service and immaculate dishes, I would have believed the guy who told me that the man at the table was Lars Ulrich of Metallica. He said Metallica were playing a concert in Houston; so I did some research when I got home, and that's when I discovered I made appetizers and dessert for the drummer of some really shitty, famous band.

2008-11-18T16:17:00.006-06:00

I finally wound up grocery shopping at Phoenicia, a specialty foods retailer with products from all around Europe and the Mediterranean. I've been a few times before, usually just to buy insignificant things like candy bars and sodas; but this time my hand basket was heaping with goods.

The store offers immense varieties of dried fruits, cooking oils, olives, pastries, yogurts, and chocolates. The chocolates in particular are pretty outlandish--being from countries like Croatia and all. I never knew Croatia had such tasty confections to offer.

One thing that usually seems to disappoint me is the fact that Phoenicia doesn't really offer a Spanish section. They don't even, to my knowledge, carry Nocilla, Spain's answer to Nutella; they do, however, carry every other variant of chocolate hazelnut spread.

Another thing that's pretty unusual to find in a specialty foods retailer is a hookah aisle, and strangely enough, Phoenicia carries an expansive selection of not only hookahs, but tobacco in every flavor of every brand imaginable.

Normally "specialty" and "expensive" go hand in hand, but at Phoenicia the products are sensibly priced. Aside from being inexpensive and diverse, Phoenicia is both Halal and vegetarian friendly. However, if you don't have religious or moral standards, you might enjoy their deli and their limited pork products, strategically separated from everything else.

------

Apparently the residents of my apartment building are so loaded that they are willing to leave clusters of full dish sets, glass sets, wastebaskets, vacuum cleaners, and artificial, fully lighted and decorated Christmas trees--all brand spankin' new--in the trash room for pillagers like Shaun and me to rummage through. I swear walking into the trash room is like Christmas; it is thankfully two doors down from my apartment, leaving me the benefit of discretely hoarding the treasures down the hall into my lair.

Anyway, here are some things I have accumulated from the "trash" room in the few months I have lived here:

I'm beginning to think that home goods retailers serve virtually no purpose to me anymore.

2008-11-07T13:38:00.004-06:00

During a discussion about presidential assassinations:

Me: I wonder why Bush was never assassinated during his second term.
Shaun: Because everyone toting a rifle was for him.

If that doesn't speak the truth, Barack Obama actually has a chance of living through his presidency.

In all honesty, though, I don't expect anything too drastic to occur as much as I did during Obama's acceptance speech. Even then, I was just a little uneasy; albeit the speech was given in his hometown, which I think helped create comfort and maintain exuberance for everyone.

This song is, as David Cross would agree, one of the best songs ever. The entire official video disallowed embedding, but this more or less gets the point across. It is seriously LOL.

2008-11-05T11:14:00.008-06:00

I must say I am more than pleased with the presidential outcome. Even though it was evident that there was a cogent chance of Barack taking John by a landslide, I was still anxious to know the results. I wonder if anyone else noticed the look of defeat on Palin's face. I'm sure that was a classic moment for most people to observe since she's always under a tremendous amount of scrutiny for being a dumb ass. I think Palin was affected by the outcome more so than McCain because she knew her presidency would be an inevitability once McCain croaked two weeks into office had he been elected.

As much as I admire the fact that this country is willing to accept diversity into office, I kind of think this campaign arose out of shock value. Clinton, Palin, Obama, cancer- where does one even begin to decide? You've to start somewhere, I guess, and this was definitely a considerable start. Clearly these decisions are made mostly out of liberty, favor, and even indulgence over politics, but each of those elements have been successful in contributing someone worth a damn into office.

Thank you, Half of America.

*Edit-

And for most of you Republicans who are worried about Barack and his religious views- you can always (hopefully) remember back to high school when you were (hopefully) introduced to the "separation of church and state" doctrine.

And remember, "Hussein" is not a denomination given specifically to terrorists.

2008-11-04T21:46:00.002-06:00

Is there actually a reason it's called prune "juice"? I mean, the idea of prune juice is sort of a paradoxical thing to concede because the thought of extracting juice from something that has already been extracted of its juice, hence its name, is downright absurd. I'm not exactly arguing this established appellation because I guess prune juice does essentially - holy fucking shit, I have got to interrupt my prune rant due to the fact that we have ourselves a new president. McCain just gave his concession speech. Maybe I'll continue this later; maybe I won't.

2008-11-03T13:08:00.002-06:00

Lately I've been at loss of blog topics, but I'm really bored; so I'll just force myself to think of something.

You know your 578 square foot studio apartment is at a revolting level of disorganization when it actually takes hours to achieve partial decorum. I have been enduring this very problem for the past week or so and have finally decided to hop off my lazy ass and hop into the kitchen where I've begun my clean-a-ton clean-a-thon. I guess cleaning isn't so bad once you've begun; everything just sort of transpires like clockwork. It's really just the initial motivating factor that I find difficult to come by, but who doesn't?

My job is starting to aggravate me a lot more lately, and I'm not really sure why. I mean, I haven't really been the victim of the sous chef's incessant bitching as much as I was prior to October, but who knows what's really going on in that fucking weirdo's cranium. On the bright side, the mouthbreathing dolt whose presence I had to painfully suffer for like four months got demoted and has been replaced by some guy who can hopefully spell "asparagus".

I, until like right now, thought the phrase "Jah will provide" was actually "Jawa will provide". I think "Jawa" is cooler because Star Wars fucking rules. Last night I was at my mom's house, and she had an episode of Wife Swap recorded, so I decided to check it out. There were an absurd white Rastafarian family from Florida and an even more absurd Texan family who lived by spreadsheets. The Texan dad controlled his family into living a pretty much chaste lifestyle as a means of appearing refined, but it wasn't really too convincing; I guess because it's hard to view a bald hick living in the practically rural suburbs of I think what is south Texas as cultivated. The Rastafarian family were just delusional bozos with the idea that "Jah will provide". Their intentions were sensible, but their lifestyle was not.

I guess all I'm trying to say is, queso flameado is a damn stupid appetizer.

GDRIVER@GMAIL.COM IS ALREADY REGISTERED WTF KTHXDIE.

2008-10-07T19:13:00.005-05:00

HA.

MINE ALL MINE ALL MINE NOM NOM NOM.

2008-09-05T16:07:00.004-05:00

HEY Y'AWLL! It's Paula Deen, and today I'd like to share with y'all a simple yet decadent recipe for my famous heart attack pie.

Preparation time:

30 minutes

What you'll need:

Pie mold
Non-stick spray, butter flavor
Butter (I usually use about 60-70 1-lb bars, but whatever is available in your neighborhood market will work fine)

Directions:

Just spray your pie mold liberally with non-stick (butter flavor) spray and add the butter in a Jenga technique. Chill and serve.

Serves: 2

and now the creek is rising and all my bridges burned.

2008-09-03T23:04:00.003-05:00

List:

Things I wish I had in my life:

More Ferraris
More money
More true friends

Things I don't need in my life:

More drinking buddies, sorry I think I have way too many nowadays.
Friends who give me cold shoulders and don't stand up for me.
People named after comedians.

Things I'd like to hope to see soon in my life:

Call of Duty: WaW
007: Quantum of Solace
New car
New acoustic guitar
A Moog
New laptop

Things I'm fond of currently:

Coco's Yakitori Sushi Bar
Times spent meddling away on writing
Lauren putting her arm around me and kissing my back gently
My current living arrangements
My true friends, the ones who walked out with me, stayed with me, and even invited me for sushi the following day
Jay-rod asking for pot, wtf.
Burger King's awesome coupon booklet. Totally FTW.
Not wasting another minute in an infinite loop, spiraling downward into the abyss
www.myspace.com/nowwerhorsen, really digging this shit right now

Lastly... The post below me PHAILS. vvv - The night began way before that and she knows where it began, I know where it began, and she knows what she did with that girl at Boondocks. HA. PHAIL.

and whatnot

2008-08-28T23:13:00.008-05:00

Last night/this morning Shaun, George Lopez (teehee LoLz), and I celebrated Miranda's getting the hell out of Houston. We drunkenly began the night with Funfetti cupcakes that Miranda baked, which at that point, I was angry because a drunken girl took a bite off the cupcake I had hoped to enjoy all by myself- which I did; I just wish I could have enjoyed it in its entirety. Instead of questioning her fat intentions, I sort of just stood there and stared; I was dumbfounded. The nerve of some people. Anyway, the night was filled with lots and lots of disappointingly cold foods from Katz's. Broadway Breakfast? More like No-way Breakfast. Anyway, I had lots of fun all the way until we headed back toward our apartment where daylight was emerging and the fingernail clipping in the sky started to fade.
Oh yeah, last night was my first time to sing karaoke. I think I sang "Come Sail Away" by Styx, but I would rather not remember because I don't want to picture myself being an ass. It's probably inevitable, but at least the inevitable can be stalled.

*I deleted the top half of this post because it was ridiculous.

The Post Below Me...

2008-08-26T23:33:00.001-05:00

Hennesy Hennesy Hennesy

2008-08-26T12:29:00.002-05:00

Have you ever gone to eat questionable Vietnamese food, simply because it seemed quick, convenient, filling, and most of all, cheap? And it's like, you took into account the reason it was so cheap was because there would surely be some compromises made. I know I regrettably made the decision to order the "rice w/ lemongrass chicken" dish. Now, I'm no connoisseur of Vietnamese cuisine, but I do know that, for something to have lemon grass in its name, it should probably taste somewhat like or even RESEMBLE something containing lemon grass.
I mean, what I received was- and I wish I was joking/exaggerating, but I'm actually serious- old (at least one day old), microwaved (I heard the microwave beep), extremely tough "chicken" smothered in caramelized onions. What the fuck? I'm not even going into detail about how I saw Mr. Cockroach scurrying under a table.

The jasmine rice was somewhat enjoyable, though.

I should have just ordered the curry. Or maybe I should have just eaten elsewhere; who knows.

While Shaun and I waited for our food we went into the attached Kim Hung market to buy some Thai tea- very addictive. When we walked out, we noticed that we were incredibly itchy; we looked down to notice what appeared to be flea bites on our arms. I don't even want to question that. I have somewhat regularly shopped at Kim Hung for about four or so years, and yesterday really made me question everything. I don't know if it was the cockroach or the chicken or what.
I should have just ordered the shrimp fried rice again.

And Then There Were Two...

2008-08-24T23:17:00.011-05:00

Wellesy Wellesy Wellesy....

So here beeth thine cast:

of course we have Shaun

......
Nous of Nowwerhorsen.

And of course, Beth, not of Nowwerhorsen.

Okay, Shaun enters in and sees the enemy in his sight...
She's grabbed a hold of the prize!

Shaun moves in and takes the grab!

He's in!!! Now for the kill!!!

I need to really stop drinking whiskey...

I woke up the next morning in Nous's bed looking like this for some reason:

Yeah, thats my purse in the background, it's my overnight bag ;).

By the by, that first picture of me I was drunker than DRUNK.

The Test Begins.... NOWOWOWOWOWOWOW

2008-08-16T13:10:00.003-05:00

Drunk, drunk, try again.

So much, so much.

Parking ticket. GRRR.

Internet, finally!.!

Gay man dancing Friday/Boondocks ..... only leads into gayer man dancing on Saturday/Boondocks.

Gay man kissing straight up on Saturday. Pictures soon.

Okay... Maybe too soon.

Alright, brass tax: So far, just Big Gay AL HENDRICKS at Cecil's:: Lil' John, Verbs, Meat, and Tyrone randomly. Power walking! Or wait... Race WALKING! "Hello, nice to meet you sir, I am an Olympic gold medalist!" "Oh, really, in what sport?" "Race walking!" ".....whatafag."

Jaime and the twins birthday tonight. w00t.

By the by, I will never drink ^^^^^^ that much ever again (theresalsovideoofgaymandancingandikissedlike8guys.)

Oh yes. Theres the matter of Shaun vs. DA COPS

Katz: Saturday: 3am ish.
Walk to restroom, bump into cop whilst VERY (I can't stress that enough) intoxicated. Before I could stumble to inebriated -ly try and say 'sorry,' he took full control and beat my ass down... verbally. "Sorry, sir!" I shat myself.
Friday of this weeks time period. I seriously think a woman cop tried grabbing me. BITCH.

This is it

2008-07-08T17:05:00.005-05:00

We got the official "you're approved" this afternoon. Shaun and I haven't seen the inside of our new place yet, but we're told it's a studio loft. I'm pretty excited because I finally get to establish my own credit in my own name. This is also pretty beneficial because there are like a million job opportunities in my new zip code alone. Actually, one day this week I'm supposed to go for an interview at some ridiculously upscale dining establishment. This place has absurd prices, but I'm sort of counting on free eats if given the job. As exciting as this is, I'm still nervous and anxious and even sort of intimidated. I've never moved before, much less lived on my own- well, sort of on my own; I get to at least live with Shaun. Anyway, here are a few pictures of the exterior:

Okay, Let's Go!

2008-07-04T00:22:00.003-05:00

Two new songs up:
1. Light Gun! - Moonview Highway
2. Shaun - If I Were A Car Crash, Would You Stop To Look At Me?

And since purevolume sucks puredick, here's the lyrics to the Shaun song:

If I Were A Car Crash, Would You Stop To Look At Me?

And I know that this world
wasn't big enough for me.
so I pull out my flask
and befriend my whiskey.

as my foot weighs down
and my car goes on
i reminisce back
to a world not so fond.

well I know that i missed
with this little life of mine
sitting here wasting
with my friends, all of my time.

and i know that i should've
maybe devoted more effort
instead i just drink
to kill whatever else you left.

my engine starts to moan
as my eyes start to go
my hand starts to slip
from the wheels bloody grip

pieces of whats left
are all i can see
my face is cut up
and my arms bloody

well sometimes we think
that we have it figured out
but isn't it the sane ones
who are always trying to get out

you walk around this world
of darkness in your eyes
cursed forever
until one day you'll die.

I will face him
and he will say to me
well son you and this
world weren't meant to be

and He will cast me through
the purest of red hells
and I will look back
and notice no ringing bells

notice no ringing, no ringing bells on me...
notice no ringing bells, no ringing on me...
notice no ringing, cause shattering is all i can see.
no more ringing, no ringing out of me.

Nothing Too Catchy.

2008-07-02T03:27:00.005-05:00

I may or may not have posted about my phone being stolen at Ikea...

NEW PHONE!!!

Rather than paying the $50 deductible and getting another Upstage, I decided to renew my contract and pay a tad more for this awesome balls:

Here be-ith thy details.

Also, might be moving again. New house didn't work out so we pack our bags once more and maybe this time will land in one of two midtown lofts in Houston.

Fingers crossed.

GABBO IS HERE!

2008-06-30T02:31:00.005-05:00

As promised.

I keep with this.

By the by...

This is what I might have looked like the other night:
I was almost arrested for being drunk in public. I had to sit inside a cop car for an hour and now my wrists are bruised as shit.

Me, Medication, and of Course, the Sickness.

2008-06-26T13:17:00.004-05:00

New album soon... Mostly acoustic and mostly depressing rubbish.

Will post songs as soon as possible.

My new workstation:

Picked Fruit

What ever happened to the lost art of forgetting?
Picking up dissected pieces and changing your settings.
Flipping through your life like a Television station,
viewing long enough to only see the channel's description.

You know I once saw you in the back of my mind.
I laid you out on a canvas to preserve the time.
I don't recall much but I think that you liked it.
This painting's insignificant compared to all the other shit.

Lies come and they go,
then they come again and they steal the show.
I don't understand why your hand is waving bye...
It's hard, it's cold, and it's dark at night.

Well they say misery loves company but i think it's in love with me.
I wake up for work and it kisses my forehead so gently.
On my way out misery prepares me a bagel like a concession,
with a glass of orange juice and a side of depression.

I feel like a picked fruit in a bottle of cheap wine.
My hopes and dreams were taken straight from their vine,
and in to this bottle, yeah I'll call it depression, I was thrown.
Say good bye to my friends, my family, fuck my home.

Lies come and they go,
then they come again and they steal the show.
I don't understand why your hand is waving bye...
It's hard, it's cold, and it's dark at night.

I remember once on my birthday...
You said you would love me always.
We'd be together for all time, time, time, time.
Well they turned out the be all lies lies lies lies...

Lies come and they go,
then they come again and they steal the show.
I don't understand why your hand is waving bye...
It's hard, it's cold, and it's dark at night.

Lies come and they go,
then they come again and they steal the show.
I don't understand why your hand is waving bye...
It's hard, it's cold, and it's dark at night.

Kataude Mashin Garu

2008-06-18T14:57:00.006-05:00

Last week I encountered what I believe to be the best movie watching experience in HISTORY. If you're into cheap-as-hell Japanese shock films with incessant blood spew and tits of death, I'm pretty sure The Machine Girl won't disappoint you. Seriously. This movie has EVERYTHING from a tempura fried arm to finger sushi to a flying guillotine to a drill bra! Aside from the inevitable wackiness that this film holds for the sheer fact that it is Japanese, however, is a story about revenge to its fullest. Ami, an average high school girl, and her brother, Yu, have been living alone together since their parents' suicide. Yu and his friend, Takashi, are constantly bullied by a group of kids around their age, and are eventually killed. This is what sparks Ami's thirst for revenge. Initially, Ami sets out to gather information about the murderer/murderers and, after constantly being accused as one herself, becomes enraged and begins her murdering spree. Shortly after trying to kill the kid responsible for her brother and his friend's murder, Ami is caught and held captive under the supervision of the kid's Yakuza parents, who torture her by first cutting off her fingers, then her arm. After escaping her death trap, Ami stumbles to and collapses in front of a mechanic shop that is owned by Takashi's parents, who are skeptical about her, but end up helping her recover. Takashi's mother ends up caring for Ami, and the two of them set out to seek revenge together. The dad eventually finishes a fucking cool machine gun for Ami to wear as an arm, which she does some killer (literally) damage with to some crafty asshole ninjas. The duo eventually kill the ninjas' revenge-seeking parents, and set off to kill that one little shit's parents who, before are finally fucking dead, cut off Takashi's mom's leg (soon replaced with a chainsaw) and use a massive drill bra on Ami. And that's pretty much The Machine Girl in a nutshell. This is an all-out gore fest you won't want to miss.

In fact, here's a trailer to enjoy:

Stringrays and Superhero-Supervillain Buttsex

2008-06-18T01:48:00.020-05:00

I must say that with this hectic move, it's been a very long yet eventful month. Kemah, Venom doing an All Terrain Armored Transport from behind, illegal activities, Big Trouble in Little China, THX 1138, Beavis and Butthead, and Baskin Robbins are just a few activities to thank for keeping us sane while enduring bullshit moving procedures and facing over a week without cable. I guess I can safely admit that I'm pretty guilty of taking society's innovations for granted! Anyway, here are some terrific pictures:

Five minutes into the moving process and it's nap time.

I was only Plexiglas away from being crocofaggot munch.

That is some serious shit. SERIOUSLY!

Shaun and I revisiting our ol' buddy from our previous 2005 visit.

Who woulda thunk something that looked so much like Abe Vigoda could be so gosh darn cute!

'Nuff said.

The Spotted Dick was pretty tempting, but I figured it to be in my best interest to pass on it.

And NOW for a slew of homo erotic photos guaranteed to satisfy even the nerdiest of fanties, starting with Fuckfest 2008:

Fuckfest 2008!

Man vs. Machine

More Man vs. Machine!!

Captain Davy Jones is the truest of butt pirates!

And here's a little Batman-on-Batman action- or should I say Batman-in-Batman action.

Hahahaha... the Silver Surfer is jacking off! What a pussy deprived loserrrr!

Other miscellaneous FF'08 pictures that I was either too lazy or too unimaginative to come up with tailored captions for.

I am also too lazy and/or too unimaginative to continue this post, so I'll leave it at this:

Your results:
You are Riddler

Riddler		57%
Venom		55%
Dr. Doom		54%
Mr. Freeze		50%
Dark Phoenix		49%
The Joker		45%
Lex Luthor		41%
Two-Face		41%
Magneto		40%
Catwoman		40%
Apocalypse		39%
Mystique		37%
Poison Ivy		32%
Juggernaut		29%
Green Goblin		21%
Kingpin		17%

Riddle me that, riddle me this, who is obsessed with having a battle of wits??

Click here to take the Supervillain Personality Quiz

In case you have ever wondered...

2008-05-28T23:59:00.005-05:00

...

Gold, Jewels, Money? A Jedi Craves Not These Things.

2008-05-28T23:27:00.010-05:00

Here's R2D2:
Yellow on black and loaded with features for finding the worlds most
notorious of treasures.

Here's R2D2's little sister:
Small hand held design meant for sniffing
out under the crotch area on
the worlds most notorious of criminals... But I digress.

Now here's a family ever so fucking ecstatic with their newly found treasures from below:

And here is some old guy...

...about to have a heart attack because all he found on his damn treasure hunt was a piece of shit Corona bottle cap!

(Reenactment. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.)
!!!
WTF

By the by, I have this hideous spot on my lawn now:
WTF
Over a damn hour of digging
and all I have to show for it
is a broke ass shovel and this
shit! AGGGGGH!

Shameless Plug From My Sponsor.

2008-05-27T10:47:00.011-05:00

Thank yous are in order:

Thank you old man who happens to rent out metal detectors within a 3 mile radius of my location.
Thank you R2D2 for beeping like crazy.
Thank you Larry.
Thank you metal detector for detecting metal.
Aforementioned plus accomplishing said duty within five minutes.
Aforementioned Aforementioned sans five minutes pro making me look foolish for accomplishing within aforementioned time rather than the previous insuperable duration of which consumed over eight tormenting hours that I had fulfilled nothing.
My job for allowing me to function somewhat properly (not mentally) without any sleep whatsoever.

m-w.com for their word of the day: aforementioned.

afore·men·tioned
Pronunciation:: \-ˈmen(t)-shənd\
Function:: adjective
Date:: 1587

: mentioned previously

Here's what R2D2 might have looked like:

Actually... That's exactly what he looked like.

￥2,079.57 well spent. lil' w00t.

Okay, cat's out of the bag... Here's the new house y0.
You'd never be able to tell but, the Audi is f'ing dirtier than hell! It has crop circles of bird shit on it!

And this!:

Drug test at work because I 'accidentally' injured a co-worker!
w00t!

12 Days and Counting

2008-05-26T19:59:00.005-05:00

That's right; the Gutierrez household (and me) are off to fresh paint and new neighbors. Hopefully this means "new job for Lauren" because I am in desperate need of employment. All I've done, for almost a month now, is sit, eat, play Wii, and spend money that is not rightfully mine. You know what, though? I probably would still be unhappily employed (but employed nonetheless) if it weren't for that douchebag "chef" (YEAH, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) snooping through my purse and trying to dissuade me from thinking anything happened. Anyway, it's sort of a long story; all I know is this: within a month I hope to change this dream lifestyle I've been living for the past three weeks and commit myself to the hardships of the real world.

I also hope to get my car inspected this month. That would make my mom happy, thus rendering my annoyance level to virtually zero.

Oh, Shaun, this is for you:

If you're wondering what I really want for my birthday, it's a sushi date, berripop, and a movie at Edwards! That's it and that's all. Now let's just hope you read this before Saturday. :D

But really, that's it and that's all.

Egg Creams, Make Up, MGMT, and Cadillacs

2008-05-21T00:11:00.004-05:00

As the title suggests.
Drink of the night: Egg Creams
Music of the night: The Make Up/MGMT
Car of the night: 2003 Cadillac CTS... Where the fuck did that one come from? XD
Movie of the night: Superbad
Mood of the night: Willful suspension of disbelief

Headcase

maybe

I was lifted

lifted from

fire.

She's Just the Flavor of the Week...

2008-04-25T03:26:00.005-05:00

Here's what's happening with me this week.

clicky clicky

Roaming Satyrs: grungy punk slushy I conjured up.
Three songs available from the "Songs to Kill to" EP.

So long to the lag...

2008-04-18T10:30:00.010-05:00

I changed the A6's fuel filter just a little while ago.
Forum states 30 minute job for a person who has no idea what they're doing. I, however, do know what I'm doing and started this crusade around 8ish.

Thank yous are in order:
Thank you previous owner who never ONCE changed out the fuel filter.
Thank you Shaun for stripping the bolt.
Thank you random mechanics who aided me, for free, when I drove my car to your nearby shop.
Thank you A6 for taking off like no ones damn business.
And finally...
Thank you old Bosch fuel filter for providing me with a great picture of what a fuel filter SHOULDN'T look like, and how black dirty gas can be.

Now time to mention the aforementioned:
Job took longer than 30 minutes due to driving to the mechanic, taking off from lights ;) , from the bolt stripping, and the other bolt being almost impossible to take off.
By the by, said bolt was easy as hell to put back on.

And now, your moment of zen.

This was crafted by BC Dusterman, the man who obviously owns a Plymouth Duster, I should assume. It's for, obviously, the multi-gaming Nintendo Wii clan I helped establish some year ago entitled Bravo Company. It has been described by "popping," which is how all the kids talk these days, apparently. Back in my days as a kid, we stated "shit's crunk," but now, it simply "pops."

"popping" courtesy of mousebrigade.

One last thought:
elfdude, don't strangle me for teaching your child what t-bagging is.
All the kids do it as it is, and I hardly doubt I'm to blame for your son fragging a n00b and t-bagging his brains out whilst firing a .45 in the air to show said n00b he rly pwnd him.

UPDATE!:
The replacement of my fuel filter actually cleared one of my error codes from my OBD2 diagnostics computer! Code P0401 is an insufficient flow code and could mean an ass load of things including but not limited to; EGR valve dirty and sensor not sensing correctly, breather hoses cracked and or disconnected in some sort, and also, in my case, FUEL BLOCKAGE (so that's what that gas smell was!)
I'm only one more code away from a perfect emissions testing! Old O2 sensor on my new catalytic converter needs to be replaced and then I'm done!

MARIO KART WII TOUR!!!

2008-04-09T20:46:00.005-05:00

APRIL 26TH AND 27TH (26th 1-10pm, 27th 1-8pm) @ THE INTERNATIONAL FESTIVAL. w00t w00t!!!

and now... TIME TO GO SWIMMING!
p.s. Every thing's fine.

**UPDATE 1:17am**
It was seriously about 50 degrees out when we went swimming.

2008-03-09T23:09:00.003-05:00

...And then there were four.

2008-02-15T01:43:00.002-06:00

I bought a car today. Odd of me, being the type to NOT buy stuff rather than BUYING stuff.
I love it, Lauren loves it, my dad hates it, I hate him for hating it. Anyone out there ever think of what their seven Jeopardy topics would be?
I am Shaung@presentlife
here are my seven Jeopardy categories:

The 10 most unethical, unheard of, downright hideous things to do at work
European cars and other pointlessly expensive items to own
Classic "B-movie" moments reenacted whilst drunk
Doing the 10 most unethical, unheard of, downright hideous things at work
5 things you don't say about your mother and why I say all five in one sentence towards the bitch
Lauren and other pointlessly expensive items to blow hordes of money on
"So what if it smells horribly, it makes my stomach feel better... And in the end, aren't you supposed to care about me feeling better?"

Anyway, it's obvious I'm reading again. Healthy!

Before I say bye, I have to say; By the by.

By the by, the car is an Audi A6 2.8L Quattro Avant and it fucking owns roads!

Music Plug. Shameless At That!

2008-02-05T03:37:00.000-06:00

Light Gun

Two songs up now:
Mogenar (Metroid) <- A song dedicated to the hardships of defeating Mogenar on Metroid Prime: Corruption TDM on Village (MOHH2) <- My struggle to regain my rank online in Medal of Honor Heroes 2 on the Wii.
Tha Fuzz Nut Clique:
Creepy EP (2005) and Songs to Boink (2004)

Creepy EP track listing:
1. Tha New Fuzz Nut Clique
2. Vagi-Cream (Featuring Crunk-Ass Gebralter Jenkins on Beats)
3. Wiggy (South Park Mexican Cover)
4. Southern Drama (Hawnay Troof Cover)
5. Fuck Mike Jones

Songs to Boink track listing:
1. Nuts In Yo Face
2. A Vegan Would Kill Me (If They Saw Me Eating This Tube steak)
3. Shizzle Battles the Police (Part 1)
4. My Mom's Racist
5. Fuzz Nut Theme
6. I Porked Alex Tiffen
7. Lesbian Shuffle
8. Joe Krapp
9. I Gotz a Brick In My Ass Y'all
10. Fuck tha 80's (and You)

KTHX-HI.

2008-02-01T18:18:00.000-06:00

Wii don't have to use the WII as a computer! Wii now have a Toshiba Satellite and will soon fix L'Dog's laptop A.S.A.P. Mouthbreather is getting along as well as Light Gun (who?) Wii're going to hopefully get out of Fry's tonight to buy a 2.5 hard disk drive enclosure to utilize L'Dog's laptop's hard drive on our (new) computer. SLAVE DRIVER! Wii also might see Swiinii Todd! Wii need to get ready (L'DOG) and liive.

eeeeeuuuugrrghhh

2008-01-19T17:51:00.000-06:00

After a ridiculously long week of shit luck (no relation to the song), I have finally managed to realize things could be worse. But they could also be better- I mean, I'm posting from my Wii that isn't really mine as much as it's Shaun's, but enough about that.
So if you're wondering why I am engaging in such a tedious task, it is because the power connector to my laptop is so fucked up that even "ghetto rigging" has showed no luck.

But that is the least of my worries.

Last Friday my purse was taken and my phone, along with gift cards and who knows what, was stolen. I was, however, able to recover my purse with most of its contents.

Last night, although a Friday, marked the beginning of a better week. I guess I could also say it marked the end of a shitty one. According to Shaun, I had six beers, but I will continue to stick with my firm belief that I only had five.

Although always enjoyable, the beer wasn't the only perk, nor was the fact that it was Killian's Irish Red and Shiner's new black lager (fucking delish); the real perk was playing my Microkorg with Mouthbreather.

It was pretty hilarous when some obviously coked up/cracked out freak banged on the door and "threatened" to call the cops because we apparently sucked- we'll just ignore the fact that we were clearly jamming unwritten, unpracticed songs that really weren't even songs.

So she proceeded to blurt a bunch of increasingly incoherent obscenities when I finally raised the question, "Are you on CRACK?!!?" Needless to say, that concluded her visit.

And the moral of this post...

Don't be intimidated by random weirdos under the influence of controlled substances.

It's Lauren, live from Houston!

2008-01-03T03:35:00.000-06:00

So if you happen to be a cum-loving sex addict, but are concerned that your weird disposition might interfere with your moral (or in this case, immoral) standpoints, you will be happy to know that I have a little special something to recummend:

Introducing... this interesting yet inexplicably unpleasant spicy cod roe sauce. You put it in your spaghetti!
The reason I found this suitable for cum guzzlers makes enough sense- the salt content of the flavor packet is probably equivalent to a hearty serving of semen.
This stuff actually tastes exactly how fish food (shrimp pellets, in particular) smells! I found this observation to be both disturbing and interesting for the fact that I have always been curious to know what fish food tastes like. I think I will just stick to my assumption and continue to believe that the cod roe sauce is a accurate comparison in similarities.

So if you're a recovering cum addict, consider the option of scarfing down a generous portion of the stuff in the picture. It's guaranteed to satisfy your craving for that viscid fluid excreted from a male's genitalia, or your money back! Just see what our REAL customers have to say!

"It really does work wonders!"

"I just love the alternatives that are being offered to society's raunchiest!"

This is going nowhere. It's 4:34 in the AM, and I have not even considered sleep.

This is your mission...

2008-01-01T04:37:00.000-06:00

do you choose to accept it?

Okay, ahhhhhhhhappy new year. Strawberry daiquiri, Ron Rio, Ballitore, blender, and for some reason, Lauren's new Kitchenaid? There was also popped corn and Metroid Prime: Corruption.
There was also this make-shift straw. Thank you, Penway.
And, thank you!---... Kitchenaid? Why? I still don't know.
I don't know if the Microkorg had much ado with nothing...Friends with P? Well you're friends with me!
P and his awesomest light up penis nose Christmas present.

These cakes look like shit.

This isn't quite possibly enabled as the short end of the stick. <-- Full circle linkage, sort of like my brand new Link's Crossbow Training that I obtained with my Wii Zapper! Yepp. Two that is...

I also ripped off Best Buy for the Best Buy.
100 bucks off a YP-P2!
Thank you, dumb ass stocker who didn't take the time to figure out the Yepp P2 was $200 not $100.
(Obviously not me^.)
I honestly don't know...
It was a good movie though. I thoroughly recommend it.

Oh, and there was 2000 points (1000 allotted towards Yoshi's Story64), a classic controller (those in the know will of course...), and an awesome as hell bundle pack of a Mario tin lunch box, two nun chuck skins (royal blue: light blue), two wii-mote skins (royal blue: light blue), a circular mario 10 game holding zip-up pouch (blue!), and last, but not least! SUPER MARIO GALAXY!!!THANK YOU LAUREN! Merry Christmas (belated), and happy new year!

P.S. Hidari Mae (if I am right, these guys are from the Nintendo Power team.) The guitar in the song, "Logical Conclusions" was entirely made on the great game "Jam Sessions," on the Nintendo DS.

A haiku from Lauren:

2007-12-23T22:06:00.000-06:00

I write this haiku
to recommend sucking cocks.
Now go suck a cock.

Ohayo Gozaimasu!

2007-12-12T11:48:00.000-06:00

Konnichiwa, Another f'ed up story:

Characters: Shinkei (Shaun), Gekkeiju (Lauren), dumb ass hostess lady (Yariman), bar tender (Kono imo) desu ka.
Shinkei: Futari desu. (I would like a table for two, please.)

Dumb ass hostess lady: Nanka monku aru-no-ka? (What did you say?)

Gekkeiju: FUTARI DESU! YARIMAN! (I WOULD LIKE A TABLE FOR TWO, PLEASE! YOU WHORE!)
Dumb ass hostess lady: Hai. (Yes.)

Shinkei: Menu o kudasi. (I would like to see a menu, please.)

Dumb ass hostess lady: Hai. (Yes.)

Gekkeiju: Domo. (Thank you.)

Bar tender: What would y'all Japs like to eat up in here t'day? (Obviously an American...)
Shinkei/Gekkeiju: Sushi/gohan desu. Domo. (Sushi/rice. Thank you.)

Bar tender: Here y'all are! N'joy folks! HYUK HYUK. (Kimpatsu... *Westerner*)
Shinkei: O-kanjo onegai shimasu. (I am ready for the bill.)

Bar tender: 'Ere y'all go! HYUK.
Shinkei: SANZEN HYAKU YONJUU SAN YEN!!! IKKENE!!!! KONO IMO DESU KA!!! (twenty-eight dollars! SHIT! I FUCKED UP! OH SHIT! YOU HICK!)

And then, at that moment... Shinkei's head exploded.The moral of the story is, sushi is way to f'ing expensive.

Also, I have this:
And a cool picture of Lauren gettin' down in the kitchen.Shinkei/Gekkeiju: Oyasumi nasai! (Good night!)

Raise the frag, the Axis is abound!

2007-12-05T21:56:00.000-06:00

A poem to all my teammates whom I've accidentally fragged before:

I didn't mean to throw so late,
the grenade I chucked was not your fate.
For maybe it wasn't my fault at all,
that you're the idiot who had to fall.
You should have read your grenade warning,
but instead you end up on a list of my pwning.

-Shaun

This next piece is borrowed but true... A poem to Lauren:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
All of my base,
Are belong to you.

And finally, this:

Why brains don't make good guacamole...

Here be the avocado. Nice, plump, and ripe for the taking. Just remove the seed and you have hours of delicious Mexican eats. You'll notice how large the taste zone in the avocado is; it consumes about 89% of the fruit's size. Not only does it have an over abundance of flavor, but its easy to access. Just slide a knife around it in a oblong-esque manner, open, pop knife into seed, remove, enjoy. Simple!

Here's the brain. Not much to say except who really wants to eat something that can hardly hear you, has a penis looking cum stain and barely smells. One thing I do really want to touch base on is; look at how much of the brain tastes... That's pathetic! You have about 2% of flavor surrounded by 98% gelatinous mildew looking stuff. Not to mention the penis thing. The brain, unlike the avocado, is also very hard to get to. You'll be needing a bone saw or a power saw to get to the nougat center of this unripe melon.

avocado > brain for making guacamole, hands down.

Puttanesca where your mouth is.

2007-12-05T07:37:00.000-06:00

And now, a classic pictorial story of last night's dinner...

Shrimp puttanesca, tortellini alfredo, garlic bread, ceaser salads...
Ahh... The night looked wonderful and promising for young Lauren and Shaun.

Wait... What's this Shaun has found?

Shaun: "HMM... What's this?"

Lauren: "Why, Shaun, that looks to be alcohol!"
Shaun: "We should drink it! That'll show mom and dad for not staying together!"
Lauren: "We should call 911!"
Lauren: "Wouldn't you rather fill up on some tasty tortellini instead?
Shaun: "I think I'll drink it."
Shaun: "Why don't you take a drink, deary?"
Lauren: "Well... I guess one drink won't get me drunk..."
Lauren: "Okay..."
Lauren: "Here I go..."

And then at that moment...The night all of a sudden got blurry for young Lauren.

Everything seemed to be alright, though, until Shaun ran out of alcohol...
Stricken with the alcoholic's rage, Shaun's head exploded.

Shaun: "AHHHHHH!"The moral of the story is; don't drink, it'll give you a killer headache.

popcorn western

2007-12-04T21:46:00.000-06:00

I'll have to assemble my troops, but until then, here's your moment of zen:

I'm on a mission!

2007-12-04T14:44:00.001-06:00

I'm still waiting to see who gets the managerial position over produce and health and beauty...
Here's what waiting might look like:

While I wait for a post from Lauren, I'll make things interesting. Pick two countries to put against each other in a war and choose one side. While choosing your side, be sure to take natural resources et al. into consideration. Since I'm currently present; I choose Slovakia and Croatia. My side would definitely be Slovakia because it's high time someone knocked Croatia off their high horse. No one asked Slovakia if they wanted to be temporarily inducted to the United Nations Security Council! After all, the Slavs have cheap American cars from the fifties and southern access to Hungary; which is a hop and a skip away to get the best gulasch this side of the Mississippi!
Alright, here's a step by step rundown of the scenario: We'll start by heading south east to Budapest, fill up on some kick ass gulasch and take our party down to the dirty south; Sarajevo. Once in Sarajevo, we'll enjoy one of their finest resources: the Asim Ferhatović Hase Stadium. Then, and then only, will it be time for operation "surprise attack north west showdown!" Two or three hours later, after we've completely torn Zagreb's newly NATO'd (not officially yet) asses a new one, we'll head over to Ljubljana and maybe celebrate by blowing a couple of their famous art or music venues up. Currently not pictured on the map is me smiling like a big dumb ass as I sit high upon my beef gulasch.

All I have to say is; top that, Lauren.

Finishing Touch, a Way to Start.

2007-12-03T17:53:00.000-06:00

FINISHED!

Ten pounds and diabetes later; Lauren finally finished with her baking and pastry course and has started cuisine. Well I guess it's better it ended so soon because Christmas and Thanksgiving already give my stomach such a hard time as it is... I didn't really need help from characters like this green monster!

Speaking of finishing, I wonder when I'll go back to school? Possibly after I stop playing online multi player Medal of Honor and start finishing campaign mode. I never seem to finish anything I set out to do. I have a comfortable trend, I guess.

Well, at least Santa finished Rudolph. Lauren
already knows what she's getting for Christmas from me... That's loads of stress off. I wonder what she has in mind for me? Or what anyone else does for that matter. Finishing up our
Christmas shopping is going to break us for sure,
but, it'll be worth it to see how happy everyone
is when we, hungrily, break down due to no gas
on our way to the family Christmas stop. That's Christmas! I can't say being in debt for the next month is all that bad, though. I have a birthday coming up in January I'm not looking forward to (yet again.) So being broke for a month, please don't finish so soon.

Lauren still hasn't finished her sukiyaki.

This guy still hasn't finished paying his car off

Before I finish; I'd like to let you all know that the pictures on this blog will mostly be taken on my m620 1.2 mega pixel camera phone and Lauren's SGH-i607 2.0 mega pixel camera phone.