A haiku from Lauren:

I write this haiku
to recommend sucking cocks.
Now go suck a cock.

Ohayo Gozaimasu!

Konnichiwa, Another f'ed up story:

Characters: Shinkei (Shaun), Gekkeiju (Lauren), dumb ass hostess lady (Yariman), bar tender (Kono imo) desu ka.
Shinkei: Futari desu. (I would like a table for two, please.)

Dumb ass hostess lady: Nanka monku aru-no-ka? (What did you say?)

Gekkeiju: FUTARI DESU! YARIMAN! (I WOULD LIKE A TABLE FOR TWO, PLEASE! YOU WHORE!)
Dumb ass hostess lady: Hai. (Yes.)

Shinkei: Menu o kudasi. (I would like to see a menu, please.)

Dumb ass hostess lady: Hai. (Yes.)

Gekkeiju: Domo. (Thank you.)

Bar tender: What would y'all Japs like to eat up in here t'day? (Obviously an American...)
Shinkei/Gekkeiju: Sushi/gohan desu. Domo. (Sushi/rice. Thank you.)

Bar tender: Here y'all are! N'joy folks! HYUK HYUK. (Kimpatsu... *Westerner*)
Shinkei: O-kanjo onegai shimasu. (I am ready for the bill.)

Bar tender: 'Ere y'all go! HYUK.
Shinkei: SANZEN HYAKU YONJUU SAN YEN!!! IKKENE!!!! KONO IMO DESU KA!!! (twenty-eight dollars! SHIT! I FUCKED UP! OH SHIT! YOU HICK!)

And then, at that moment... Shinkei's head exploded.The moral of the story is, sushi is way to f'ing expensive.

Also, I have this:
And a cool picture of Lauren gettin' down in the kitchen.Shinkei/Gekkeiju: Oyasumi nasai! (Good night!)

Raise the frag, the Axis is abound!

A poem to all my teammates whom I've accidentally fragged before:

I didn't mean to throw so late,
the grenade I chucked was not your fate.
For maybe it wasn't my fault at all,
that you're the idiot who had to fall.
You should have read your grenade warning,
but instead you end up on a list of my pwning.

-Shaun

This next piece is borrowed but true... A poem to Lauren:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
All of my base,
Are belong to you.

And finally, this:

Why brains don't make good guacamole...

Here be the avocado. Nice, plump, and ripe for the taking. Just remove the seed and you have hours of delicious Mexican eats. You'll notice how large the taste zone in the avocado is; it consumes about 89% of the fruit's size. Not only does it have an over abundance of flavor, but its easy to access. Just slide a knife around it in a oblong-esque manner, open, pop knife into seed, remove, enjoy. Simple!




Here's the brain. Not much to say except who really wants to eat something that can hardly hear you, has a penis looking cum stain and barely smells. One thing I do really want to touch base on is; look at how much of the brain tastes... That's pathetic! You have about 2% of flavor surrounded by 98% gelatinous mildew looking stuff. Not to mention the penis thing. The brain, unlike the avocado, is also very hard to get to. You'll be needing a bone saw or a power saw to get to the nougat center of this unripe melon.

avocado > brain for making guacamole, hands down.

Puttanesca where your mouth is.

And now, a classic pictorial story of last night's dinner...

Shrimp puttanesca, tortellini alfredo, garlic bread, ceaser salads...
Ahh... The night looked wonderful and promising for young Lauren and Shaun.

Wait... What's this Shaun has found?

Shaun: "HMM... What's this?"

Lauren: "Why, Shaun, that looks to be alcohol!"
Shaun: "We should drink it! That'll show mom and dad for not staying together!"
Lauren: "We should call 911!"
Lauren: "Wouldn't you rather fill up on some tasty tortellini instead?
Shaun: "I think I'll drink it."
Shaun: "Why don't you take a drink, deary?"
Lauren: "Well... I guess one drink won't get me drunk..."
Lauren: "Okay..."
Lauren: "Here I go..."

And then at that moment...The night all of a sudden got blurry for young Lauren.

Everything seemed to be alright, though, until Shaun ran out of alcohol...
Stricken with the alcoholic's rage, Shaun's head exploded.

Shaun: "AHHHHHH!"The moral of the story is; don't drink, it'll give you a killer headache.

popcorn western

I'll have to assemble my troops, but until then, here's your moment of zen:

I'm on a mission!

I'm still waiting to see who gets the managerial position over produce and health and beauty...
Here's what waiting might look like:

While I wait for a post from Lauren, I'll make things interesting. Pick two countries to put against each other in a war and choose one side. While choosing your side, be sure to take natural resources et al. into consideration. Since I'm currently present; I choose Slovakia and Croatia. My side would definitely be Slovakia because it's high time someone knocked Croatia off their high horse. No one asked Slovakia if they wanted to be temporarily inducted to the United Nations Security Council! After all, the Slavs have cheap American cars from the fifties and southern access to Hungary; which is a hop and a skip away to get the best gulasch this side of the Mississippi!
Alright, here's a step by step rundown of the scenario: We'll start by heading south east to Budapest, fill up on some kick ass gulasch and take our party down to the dirty south; Sarajevo. Once in Sarajevo, we'll enjoy one of their finest resources: the Asim Ferhatović Hase Stadium. Then, and then only, will it be time for operation "surprise attack north west showdown!" Two or three hours later, after we've completely torn Zagreb's newly NATO'd (not officially yet) asses a new one, we'll head over to Ljubljana and maybe celebrate by blowing a couple of their famous art or music venues up. Currently not pictured on the map is me smiling like a big dumb ass as I sit high upon my beef gulasch.

All I have to say is; top that, Lauren.

Finishing Touch, a Way to Start.

FINISHED!


Ten pounds and diabetes later; Lauren finally finished with her baking and pastry course and has started cuisine. Well I guess it's better it ended so soon because Christmas and Thanksgiving already give my stomach such a hard time as it is... I didn't really need help from characters like this green monster!

Speaking of finishing, I wonder when I'll go back to school? Possibly after I stop playing online multi player Medal of Honor and start finishing campaign mode. I never seem to finish anything I set out to do. I have a comfortable trend, I guess.

Well, at least Santa finished Rudolph. Lauren
already knows what she's getting for Christmas from me... That's loads of stress off. I wonder what she has in mind for me? Or what anyone else does for that matter. Finishing up our
Christmas shopping is going to break us for sure,
but, it'll be worth it to see how happy everyone
is when we, hungrily, break down due to no gas
on our way to the family Christmas stop. That's Christmas! I can't say being in debt for the next month is all that bad, though. I have a birthday coming up in January I'm not looking forward to (yet again.) So being broke for a month, please don't finish so soon.

Lauren still hasn't finished her sukiyaki.

This guy still hasn't finished paying his car off

Before I finish; I'd like to let you all know that the pictures on this blog will mostly be taken on my m620 1.2 mega pixel camera phone and Lauren's SGH-i607 2.0 mega pixel camera phone.